I will NEVER know how to dougie

After a recent clubbing experience at Jam Rock at Sublime nightclub in Dubai, it's safe to say that I have like zero dance skills. I probably stuck out like a sore thumb, or a poor brown girl incapable of rhythm in the midst of really coordinated urban dancers.

I tried. I really did.

However, booty popping, twerking, Jersey turn-piking and grinding is just not for me.

In my defense, does this honestly look attractive?

And no, I will not shake my tail feather OR drop it like it's hot. 

Everyday, I'm shuffling...and no... not like this:

Like this:

It's not just ghetto dance moves that leave me feeling like I'm 80 years old, it's moves that have been established more than 80 years ago like the jive, that my grandmother could pull of that I'm incapable of. 

I am ashamed.

So no, you cannot teach me how to dougie, because I just simply cannot learn how.

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